what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
