I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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