he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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