I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize