I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
