there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
