So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
