the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize