so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
