Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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