He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
