I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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