If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize