his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
