I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
