Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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