I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
