I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im six kinds of drunk right now
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You don't make any sense
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