He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
