jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize