Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
