he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
