Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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