it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
