just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
