found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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