don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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