didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize