I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
