i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
