You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
