dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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