your room smells of hookers.
And success
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
