I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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