Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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