oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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