I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
