i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize