doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
