why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
