i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
