OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
