fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
