matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am one with the molecules
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
