Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
