I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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