This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize