I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
