and you said cock pushups were impossible
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
