Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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