I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
worst night to have a conscience
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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