So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
