ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
