Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
