You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
