I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
