I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
