So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
