I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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