my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is wine microwaveable?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
