Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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