hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
