dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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