So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
