nut hugger
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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